“Shut the fuck up bitch, eat a dick bitch, eat a bowl of shit bitch. Munch on a mouthful of balls in halls and malls, just shut the fuck up bitch and work your jaws” Kurupt – Your GyrlFriend
A few days ago, this delightful
ditty came around on the shuffle of my iTunes. I hadn’t heard it for some time,
but it has been on various cassette, CD and now digital playlists of mine since
its release on Kurupt’s 1999 album Tha Streetz iz a Mutha. I was 12-years-old
when I first heard it. It was just music to me then and don’t think it affected
my feelings towards certain genders. But hearing it in 2015 – some 16 years
later - was the first time I stopped and thought about just how sick the lyrics
were.
I’m a big Hip Hop fan. The genre takes
up over 90% of the music I own. Yet it has long been – and still is – rife with
misogyny and sexism. The world is becoming wiser and less tolerable to it,
though. Rappers are losing favour and sponsorship deals based solely on the
misogynistic rhymes they are putting out. Kanye West’s Yeezus album was
described as a “tipping point” since such a high profile artist was still
writing lyrics such as, “Black Dick all
in your spouse again, I know she likes chocolate men, she got more n*iggers off
than Cochran.” You may not, like me, be willing to defend his attack on the
obvious racism in Corporate America, but none of us can defend the blatant
misogynistic tone in his music. I’d feel very different if that Kurupt song was
released this year than I did in 1999. Hip Hop is under scrutiny because it’s
unacceptable and it needs to change. And
finally, it’s learning that.
I’ve begun by writing about my
musical preference because the day after I was talking with somebody about
hearing that particular Kurupt song and its tone, a blog post came to my attention on Twiiter and raised the issues
of sexism in the beer world once more.
I, like others, have been enraged
a few times recently about the subject. I’ve begun writing my own thoughts on
the topic a couple of those times but, for various reasons, I’ve not been
firing off blogposts weekly with updates and opinion on this recurrence. For
one, they’ve been covered so well by great writers such as Melissa Cole and
Rowan Molyneux. For another, how can I possibly write about something that I
haven’t – and never will – experience? “What about misandry?” as I’ve seen
commented a couple of times, because we all know that pubs, bars and clubs are
endemic with that don’t we…
It was the comment section in
this post by Robsterowski at Refreshing Beer that prompted the latest
interest/anger in the topic for me, but this was just a memory refresh. Comment
sections on other posts or on online journalistic material are filled with such
nonsense. It’s not opinions that I’m against – it’s the frightening lack of
understanding by people that concerns me. It's the continued view of "NOT ALL MEN... MY WIFE ISN'T OFFENDED... IT'S JUST A BIT OF FUN..." rather than the more obvious view of "Let's fucking do something about this." It's that people stand defiantly for their own sexist views, rather than learning and changing.
This isn’t a problem in Beer –
and certainly is nothing to with CAMRA. This is a society problem, but as Beer
is our little part of the world then it’s the part we have the ability to
change. And it begins by understanding how big an issue it is in general life.
I never truly appreciated it to
its capacity until I went on a night out with four of my females friends last
summer. We were in a fairly respectable bar in Manchester’s Northern Quarter
and were dancing and laughing and enjoying the night as we should. However,
after a while I realised that my friends were being approached by men trying to
interfere with our night out. Repeatedly. It wasn’t just the odd “friendly”
bloke trying to make conversation. It was endless harassment at least once a
minute. Being revoked meant nothing to these men. I wasn’t used to this and
started to get protective and aggressive but my friends told me to calm down as
“they could handle it.” I witnessed them have to push men off them repeatedly
for hours. How was this a good time? “Is this what it’s like for you lot on
every night out?” I asked towards the end of the night. The response? An
accepting shrug.
That shrug changed it all for me. It was
the moment I finally saw it through their eyes. They’d come for a night out but
instead were being grabbed at like a free drinks table. And they accepted it. They hated it but they accept that that is just the way it is.
A response by Bailey (of Boak and Bailey) on the Refreshing Beer post summed up how we should be responding to
the simple suggestions made in it. “The rest of it all sounds very sensible, as in.
why the hell aren’t they happening now?” It’s how we should all react to it on
a daily basis. Why is this stuff still happening?
Then again, it’s easy for me to
say that as a male. So I took the time to talk to two of my friends about how
it is for them. One is Sarah who loves drinking good beer in good pubs/bars but
also has her bosom indiscreetly gawked at wherever she walks. The other is
Sophie, who works behind the bar in Stalybridge Buffet Bar and who I’ve heard
and seen be talked about inappropriately by people, including my own friends.
I asked them both what they
thought of some of the pumpclips with sexist imagery that have been up for
debate – and frequently named and shamed – in many beer blogs. Sarah said it
was old fashioned but that it didn’t really bother her. I like this response because it
might help those that use the “my wife wasn’t offended” argument to understand
that not everybody will be offended – it doesn’t make those that are
hysterical. It was interesting that both friends used the phrase “the pub/beer
market is predominantly male” in their responses as justification for the clips
too.
It’s their search for justification which is so
similar to the shrug of acceptance that was the tone throughout talking to
Sophie and Sarah. They are not as eager for a change in attitude as they are resigned
to a male dominated environment. When I ask Sarah if she feels women beer
drinkers are poorly misrepresented she says “Yes they are.” But when I ask how
she feels about comments made to her by men in pubs or bars sometimes when she
orders a beer (as opposed to something Al Murray may regard as a lady’s drink)
Sarah says she’s “ambivalent” and adds "It's not every time I order a beer."
When I ask Sophie, as the person
behind the bar, whether she feels she
is being "hit on" a lot of the time whilst working she tells me “Yes. But I don't
necessarily think they're always
hitting on me.” It is a big difference. “I try not to feel objectified,” she
adds when I ask her about a particular recent incident, though she also adds
“It’s part of my job.” I want to prompt, to add, to ask whether it should just
be part of the job, but I don’t really feel the need to. Sophie loves her job
and loves the customers. Playing the role of bar”maid” seems to be something
she has accommodated.
If at this point you are the sort
thinking “What about men who get chatted up at bars or male bar workers who get
hit on? What’s the difference?” then this post is for you. It’s not that it
doesn’t happen, as Sophie will testify, “When someone good looking comes in to
the pub, some of the female bar staff describe them in a clearly objectifying
way.” It’s understanding the difference and the bigger picture. And if you are
still not seeing it, then look again.
One counter argument is that
traditional views on gender still exist in younger people. I’ve had girlfriends
who have explicitly said to me “I like relationships to be based on traditional
gender roles.” One girlfriend even said that the only job she wanted in life
was “to be a wife and a mother.” I’ve got a couple of married friends with
newborn children who have told me that they would consider themselves a failure
if their wives went back to work. They tell me that their wives don’t want to
go back to work because they just want to be mothers. At first, this seemed odd
to me but then you realise that it is a choice for anyone and isn’t because
they are a specific gender. Because doing what you want in life is everybody’s right,
it isn’t anybody’s role.
I’m far far from perfect on this
matter. The recent case of the convicted rapist Ched Evans’ leaving jail
sparked much debate between my friends where I found myself constantly trying
to explain to them what rape was and why he was guilty, against a wall of their
defiance. A fair few of them believe he should have never been jailed in the
first place, but my current incredulity to this is slightly hypocritical for
even two or three years ago I may have agreed with them. You see, a couple of
times in the past, people have opened up to me about situations that they’ve
kept quiet and never reported where they were raped in circumstances not too
dissimilar to the Evans’ case. Those people didn’t feel they could tell anybody
or report the person responsible and, when they’ve opened up to me, my initial
thoughts were “Are you sure YOU weren’t just drunk?” or “How did YOU allow
yourself to get into that situation?” I think back to those reactions with a
feeling of utter disgust and disbelief at myself and can never apologise
enough.
I share my absolute shame as
continued proof that I will never be a good spokesperson for this topic and
that I need to keep learning and changing myself. I’ve probably made a lot of mistakes
on social media I would like to think I wouldn’t now. But I know now how wrong
I was and, like Hip Hop needs to, I’ve made the changes. What is apparent too
many times is how many are not willing
to change their viewpoint.
The world isn’t made up of two
genders. It certainly isn’t made up of two genders with two separate roles for
life. If you are not seeing the problems then you are probably part of them.
This isn’t a Beer problem but if that is your interest then start the changes
there. Nobody has to accept misogyny just because it’s always been there. Life
isn’t a role. Kurupt may not know that but the rest of us should.
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